This is part of a larger problem involving friction between Mastodon maintainers and marginalised communities, and like with our shitty society today, relying on the people who don't understand our issues or can't adequately deal with them isn't going to help. So here's part of my contribution to that.
This is currently a work-in-progress, I just made this over the course of an evening. Eventually I would like to make it more interactive and easier to sift through, but I hope it's a start and something you can share with your friends who want to find a good Mastodon instance but aren't sure where those good places are.
This list wouldn't be what it is without awoo.space's whitelist, so thanks to them and their excellent whitelisting efforts.
(I'm Dzuk btw ^∆∆^)